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ahnnushka asked: Yes, I'd love to hear your story/testimony and see what God has done in your life and what He has brought you out of. I wrote it in this one so you have more room to type<3
Wayyll here goes: So I grew up with my dad and sister (I didn’t see my mom too often because she was depressed most of the time) and I was kind of a brat (as a lot of us were at that age haha) but aside from that I was a pretty good kid I didn’t swear or do drugs or fail any classes etc. etc. I was sort of a nerdy, tree-climbin’, loner (to give you a mental picture: I wore hand-me-down leggings, turtlenecks, and big white tennis shoes and my two favorite movies were Barbie Nutcracker and Jurassic Park 3 … yeah I was strange) and so needless to say I didn’t have too many friends but I was fine with that, my dad was sort of my superman and he did all the fun stuff with my sister and I so I can’t really complain. But in 5th grade he got lung cancer and at this point I had been going to AWANA (if you don’t know it’s like this youth group sort of deal where you go and play games and memorize verses and such) for a while and I considered myself a “Christian” but that meant little to nothing. But I prayed .every. day. for my dad to just get better and stay with me and take care of me. I prayed my little 11 year old heart out and I thought that would be enough to keep my superman here on earth. But sadly, it wasn’t. On the 3rd day of 6th grade (after I had been staying at my aunts house for about a week or two and my sister moved in with her mom) I came “home” and was told that my dad had passed away earlier that afternoon. After that I sort of just remember staring at a stain on the carpet and thinking “weird” I wasn’t sad or angry, I was sort of just nothing. I went to school the next day and didn’t even say anything. I just walked around like I didn’t even know what to do … and I guess I didn’t. After a few months of this I was sitting in class one day and just got this really awful feeling like “Somethings wrong” I never felt anything like it but I was just suddenly overcome with this worry for my mom and her safety so I asked to go to the office and called my aunt to come pick me up so I could see my mom. I didn’t see her that day but that weekend I don’t remember what we were doing but she was driving down this major freeway and my other sister Katie (she was 18/19 at the time) was sitting in the passenger seat and I was sitting in the first row in the middle of behind them. So anyway I was looking at my cellphone that my dad went through a whole bunch of trouble to surprise me with and I realized “My dad is gone and he’s never coming back” and finally emotion hit. I just started bawling and my sister turned around and asked “What’s wrong” and my response: “I miss my dad” and it was the purest form of depression and hatred I can explain. I hated God for taking my dad away from me. And it broke my heart because I “knew” God must hate me too. The next year or so is sort of just a depressing blur of switching schools, trying to be popular, hating everyone (including myself), starting to starve myself, and eventually (because I was just that bitter) planning to kill myself. I figured my life is worth nothing and no one (not even God) really loved me and the only person I have to be strong for is my mom. And thank God (no, literally) that was enough to keep me hanging on just a little longer until my best friend (then and now) invited me to youth group. I went a couple of times and then I went on the Oregon Coast Trip which was AMAZING! I witnessed God’s glory through nature and felt more loved by the youth leaders in that one weekend than I had in the 2 years since my dad died. I decided to keep coming back and slowly (as in over the rest of 8th grade, that summer, and a few months into 9th grade) but surely, I learned about how God truly did love me, how his plan isn’t something I can understand but I can know that it is in my best interest and something really sank in: God sent his son (himself) to earth so he could die. Knowing, that he was dying for the very people that would mock, betray, and kill him. I’m sorry but that is CRAZY! And if he loves me that much and he is in control (because yes I believe it’s true) shouldn’t I be pretty darn sure that he has got me right where I’m supposed to be? YES! And from there I started my walk with Christ, which included (and still includes) many falls and struggles. I made it through freshman year and then went to Montana on a mission trip which was the best week of my entire life and I felt so close to God and on fire to serve him and shine for him and love through him even at home (where I live with my aunt who isn’t a christian) OH! that reminds me I haven’t told you anything about my home life. Ok so my Aunt (as stated earlier) is not a christian, she has no faith in God and often mocks those who do (including me) nothing can please her (no matter how obedient or kind I am) because the rules that I am required (by her) to live by are ever-changing and ever-contradicting. She is extremely … just rude (there isn’t any other way to describe it). She is truly just mean and I don’t understand how God loves her or how I am supposed to love (let alone respect) her. Sometimes it becomes seemingly unbearable but God always gives me the strength to wipe away my tears and get back up. But yeah after Montana I came home with a better attitude than ever and was just so on fire to show my Aunt God’s love. And it lasted for a while but A month or two ago I just started to fade ad and again and I can be so happy and encouraged by the people at youth group and then the second I get in the house I feel so depressed again. I’m really trying to trust God but honestly I just want out. But I’ve not demanded it from God and day-to-day I learn to trust him more and more. So whether I move out tomorrow or stay here until high-school ends I know God will give me the strength to carry out his plan. Rom. 8:31-35 and Cor. 10:13 are my two most favorite verses ever! Sorry that was so long! But now you know! :) Thanks for reading love. OH and this video is my favorite ever!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IO-Cp2kcFjc Grab some tissues because you might cry!
So I’m planning to get back on Tumblr but I’m changing to a different blog and starting over (for those of you that care) BUT!! I will not be on 24/7 because yes, I still have school and such other things that need to be done. My new tumblr (of which I have not decided on a name yet) will be sort of different so you’ll just have to check it out for yourself :) I’ll come back with more details soon but for now it’s 8:00 AM and time to start school! Take Care, Stay Golden.
nutellagoddess asked: Hey! Please don't delete your Tumblr! I like the stuff you post. Why're you deleting it? :(
Did you read my “explanation” post? If not I recommend you do but in short: I’m really trying to put God first and I feel like Tumblr has just been a huge stumbling block in my relationship with him. The bible tells us “whatever you do, do it for the glory of God.” and this includes work (which for me is school, but still …) which I haven’t been doing a whole lot of lately. It’s definitely been one of those things I haven’t been willing to give up due to my selfish desires and unrealization of how great God is and how much he deserves my whole life (not just the parts I want to give over - i.e. Tumblr, guys, cursing, my time …) So I decided to delete it in order to give up that area of my life to God. I need to work harder and Tumblr is such a distraction from my schoolwork. I really suggest you read my whole post to get a better idea! If you have any questions about my faith or testimony feel free to ask away! I’m happy to answer :) And furthermore thank you my dear for the compliment <3
Ok so I know I only have like a little over 100 followers and maybe no one will ever read this but I think I should say it anyway, just in case. So: About a year and a half ago I decided I wanted to have a relationship with God due to a very long series of unfortunate events and some serious reconsidering of my life and heart/mind. I started to pursue a Christ-like life but it was a day-to-day challenge (as a walk with Christ generally always is), but I kept pushing forward because I knew He was worth it, I knew any pain or trouble here on earth is so minuscule and doesn’t even count to my God and living in Heaven for all eternity. But I slowly dwindled down, still claiming to be a Christian (and I was happier than before) but not really living it out at home. I treated my Aunt (whom I live with) just how she treated my (rude and inconsiderately). I showed kindness and respect to others, but only as long as the favor was returned, I was lazy, didn’t help out around the house, and certainly didn’t try to share my faith! I never even really read my bible unless I was at church, but in my eyes I was “a christian”. Then, my youth group was going on a mission trip to Montana last summer (2011) and I said “I should do that!” I’m not sure why though because if I couldn’t even share my own faith at home with everyone I knew, what made me think I could tell a bunch of strangers? But God put it in my heart that I should go. I ended up being the co-leader of the vacation bible school camp there, and was the main girl in a skit we had to perform in front of the whole park! The whole time I was there I was going, going, going, just keeping a positive attitude and serving no one but God. And I can honestly say that week was the best week of my life, the 10 days and even the months preparing for it was the happiest I’ve ever been. And I know it was because of how much I was giving my life over to God and letting him take control. So when I got home I worked harder, was kind and respectful even if the favor wasn’t returned, I showed love and gave advice, and tried a little harder to share my faith. But then one thing after another after another kept happening, like Satan was taking a personal attack on my relationship with God. But i still kept up my “Montana Attitude” but slowly, I stopped speaking my faith, stopped working hard, stopped reading my bible as often, stopped being positive all the time, and lost nearly all I had gained on that mission trip. Which brings us to now: Everyone who’s ever been on Tumblr knows how time consuming and how much of a distraction it is from - well - life :) I’m now so far behind in my school work that I can’t even go to Youth Group or Bible Study (which may not sound like that big of a deal, but they are my main source of encouragement and guidance, which I really need) and last night I made a commitment to God that I would really start trying to live up to his standards as I did that week in Montana. “Living up to his standards” meaning: showing kindness and patience to my Aunt even when she is being difficult (and everyone else as well!), not swearing, having a positive attitude, sharing my faith, working for his glory, studying my bible, being an encouragement to those I’m around, and last but not least (in fact, it’s probably the most important), relying on him and letting him lead me in life from now on. I’m ready to let go of everything I’ve been holding onto, I’m ready to take a leap of faith because I can know God won’t let me fall. He never has before.
To get to the main point, my first step, I decided, was deleting my Tumblr and concentrating more on school. I will leave this up for a month and not go on Tumblr for that time. But then after that, I’m just deleting my account for good to remove all temptation. I hope you all understand and know I love each and every one of you <3 Thankyou to my followers who stayed with me “to the end” and all of you who have ever encouraged me :)
must be following all of us
- f-3tch (50k)
- rhodesbohoisland (44k)
- max-ime (45k)
- dark-deception (43k)
- beachgasm (44k)
- crystallized-teardrops (52k)
NO LIKES: REBLOG ONLY ONCE. YOU HAVE 10 MINUTES
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(Source: f-3tch, via emittingsparks)
